In honor of Juan Pablo as this year’s The Bachelor, this recap will be entirely en Español. Kidding :)! Haha let’s get started.
But first, something fellow Juan Pablo fans will enjoy:
The Countdown to Juan Pablo episode, I think, depicted him as a quasi Ryan Lochte–you know, hot but super cocky and therefore, well, unattractive. This first episode showed him in a much more appealing light, thankfully.
That’s cool that he brought Camila (“C”) and his parents with him. (I love C’s owl pillow.) As a Colombian, I don’t like Venezuela but I really like that dialect because it resembles that which is spoken in some areas of Colombia. Well, my fave is Argentinian and Spanish–any Hispanic dialect, really ;). I’m very much enjoying the parts where Juan Pablo speaks in Spanish. It’s making me rethink my “won’t date Hispanic guys” policy!
JP, stop saying C needs a stepmom. She has a mom who’s still alive. She doesn’t need a “replacement” as much as you need a new wife/girlfriend. (PS- how awful could she be feeling as this whole show’s airing??)
Juan Pablo and Sean then talk about “the one” and kissing the other women. How bromantic. (PS- Sean and Catherine’s wedding is on the 26th!)
THE “GIRLS” (they’re WOMEN, for crying out loud)
Was it just me or did this season feature a LOT of more mature (read: not girls in their early 20s) young women with good, stable professions? I really liked that. I wish more women decided to pursue higher-up careers. #girlpower
Chelsea, 24 (Science “Educator”): Girl, you’re 24! Live a little! Good job with your Spanish, though; but keep practicing. (Also, get some dance lessons.)
Renee, 32 (Real Estate Agent): She’s a mom and super outdoorsy like Juan Pablo. I immediately LOVED her for him. (At least so that C can have a big brother!) They looked so cute during their meeting!!
Andi, 26 (Prosecutor): Kick-a** job and pretty. (What was up with that staged trial, though?) A tad cocky, however.
Amy, 31 (Massage Therapist): This “girl” was WEIRD. Basically, it was hard to take this “artist when it comes to the human body” seriously when she kept making those faces–and noises and POSES–as she was massaging these seemingly hot guys. She also wants “a man who wants to be rubbed by [her]” and even airplane-fed the camera (ahem, Juan Pablo) some food :/.
Nicki, 26 (Pediatric Nurse): She’s funny, quirky, and had a great job. She’d maybe make a good nanny for C?
Lauren H., 25 (Mineral Coordinator): Has had her heart broken but clearly isn’t over it yet. (Honey, #girlpower called and it asked me to tell you to either return or sell that wedding dress and ring. NOW.)
Valerie, 26 (Persona Trainer): Annoyingly cocky. (Aren’t all personal trainers like that, though?) “Not only am I a pretty girl…” Ugh, I’m not against a little self-promotion (hey, I know I’m pretty too) but announcing it to millions of viewers is just so not pretty. Pretty (shallow) does NOT get a man.
Lacy, 25 (Nursing Home Owner): Yup, she owns a nursing home (she started it when she was 20). Hope she lasts longer than Valerie.
Claire, 32 (Hairstylist): At this point in your life, I think you should already own your own salon. I think her “part-Mexican” accent is kind of dreadful but the story about her dad (RIP) makes me bow down to her with respect. :'( Idk if Juan Pablo will get to watch the DVD her dad made for her future husband. We’ll see. (BTW: She was wearing a fake/pregnant belly when she met him after getting out of the limo. Hahaha good one! Even JP was a lil’ freaked out.)
THE LIMOS + MORE “GIRLS”
(THEY SHOULD SERIOUSLY CONSIDER DECREASING THE NUMBER OF PARTICIPANTS.)
Amy, 27 (Orlando News Reporter): Some things are better left to the imagination, girl. Though this is Juan Pablo and I’m sure he very much enjoyed your, ahem, cleavage.
Cassandra, 21 (Former NBA Dancer): So how long were you an NBA dancer for if you’re ONLY 21?! Are you “between jobs”? Get.a.job. Also, wait a few years before appearing on The Bachelor: C “needs a stepmom”–not a big sister. Hope she leaves before experiencing any more “awkward pauses” (um, 11-year difference!) w/Juan Pablo–for her sake.
Christy, 24 (Marketing Manager): I’m just going to shut up about cleavage b/c clearly these “girls” don’t care about modesty (ahem, class). She said she “wouldn’t be here if it was for somebody else,” which is clearly not true b/c contestants don’t find even out who the Bachelor is UNTIL they’re well into the auditions/interviews.
Christine, 23 (Police Support Specialist): Women, DON’T BUY THAT STRAPLESS DRESS THAT REQUIRES YOU TO ADJUST THE, UM, CHEST AREA, OFTEN. Christy missed that memo. She did bring C a cute little (and possibly homemade) “Camila” bracelet, however, so clearly she got the “good manners” memo instead.
Kat, 29 (Medical Sales Rep): Juan Pablo tried his best to teach her salsa right then and there. Let’s just say he tried in vain.
Chantel, 27 (Account Manager): She’s African American and very pretty. Her very short strapless dress kinda detracted from that, though.
Victoria, 24 (Legal Assistant): Now THIS GIRL totally got the MODESTY = CLASS” Memo. Halle-friggin-lujah. Holy cow I love her dress, too–it’s yellow and oh-so-classic. A little too blingy for my taste, but still pretty. She’s from Brazil and they spoke a little Portuguese. Nice one, V.
Lucy, 24 (“Free Spirit”–NO JOKE): I think that’s a wedding dress + a flower tiara she’s wearing? She wore no shoes “because she didn’t want to be too tall.”
Danielle, 25 (Pediatric Nurse): She’s also African American (to me she also resembles Rachel McAdams) and her dress is so mature and classy. (The color wasn’t too flattering on her, though.)
Lauren S., 26 (Music Composer): She came in playing a cool song she may have written on a rolling piano. Very impressive, girl. He even went back afterwards to get her name because she had forgotten to say it. A guy after all our hearts, that Juan Pablo.
Chelsea, 24 (Science Educator at a Museum): She performed a cheesy non-Chemistry experiment. Walter White would NOT be impressed.
Elise, 27 (First Grade Teacher): Nervous, cleavage, 90s dress. She sounds nice, though.
Ashley, 25 (First Grade Teacher): Loved her style–it was for like a nighttime brunch, if that makes sense. But she rewarded him with a gold star sticker for doing the “right thing”–i.e., “being here and trying to find a wife” so Idk anymore.
Whew almost done!
Ally, 26 (Nanny): I have a feeling you should start looking for another job? That is unless you just want to be C’s nanny. She plays soccer, though, and he seemed hooked, so we’ll see.
Maggie, 24 (Personal Banker): Her voice makes her sound like she’s much younger (I didn’t mean to offend as people often say I look and sound many years younger too), and her South Carolina accent was adorable. Sometimes I wish I had a cooler (Southern? British?) accent.
Kelly, 27 (Dog Lover): She brought her dog Molly with her. Molly couldn’t have cared less about her “mommy”‘s suitor, though.
Alexis, 24 (Communications Director): She greeted him in (seemingly perfect) Spanish and when asked where she was from, she replied, “Tampa.” Um, that’s not what he meant!!!
Kylie, 23 (Interior Designer): Prom dress. Has “been dying to hug” Juan Pablo. Ooooookay.
Charlene, 29 (Opera Singer–Dang!): He likes her (ahem, modest/pretty/classic) dress “a lot” (“very, very nice”). They make a sweet couple though she was in Germany for work. New stepmoms can’t be a long-distance thing, can they?
BACK AT THE HOUSE
I fast-forwarded through most of this whole thing because it was late and there wasn’t much to watch. At this stage, the one-on-ones aren’t that eventful, anyways. PS- Renee the single mom and Juan Pablo look ADORABLE together. He would be so cool with her son Ben.
He’s SUCH a Hispanic guy though! He’s touchy-feely, super flirty, and gives many compliments: That can be endearing but kind of a turn-off depending on the context.
Opera girl (AKA Charlene) GOT THE “FIRST IMPRESSION” ROSE!! They also look adorable. He likes that she has “mundo”–which in Spanish means that she’s cultured and knows about the world, etc. But she said (off-camera) that their chemistry felt forced, accepted the rose with a “Sure,” and wasn’t all that positive about what she felt :/. I bet the producers will milk her potential transformation as much as possible as the season progresses.
ROSE CEREMONY: THE WINNERS
Charlene (Opera); Claire (dad died; “part-Mexican”); Nikki (pediatric nurse); Renee (single mom–they’re SO cute together: have I said that already :)?); Andi (prosecutor), Ally (nanny); Chantel (one of the African American gals); Lauren S.; Kelly & Molly (the gal with her doggie!); Cassandra (21 YO/former NBA dancer); Danielle (the second African American gal); Chelsea; Kat (but Kylie stepped in thinking that he had said her name–WHOOPS); Victoria (classy yellow dress); Christy; Lucy (the “free spirit”); Liz (90s glittery dress); ANNNND………….. Amy L. (News reporter from Orlando).
(Yay the weird massage therapist got the boot! She even thought that he was “the one” and put “herself out there completely” but she’s sad because “people don’t always feel you the way you feel them.” Goodness, I’m def looking forward to have to write less as the weeks progress!)
OK that’s it for today!! Leaving ya with one final gift to brighten up the rest of your possibly freezing and/or snowy Thursday:
Did/Will YOU watch this season of The Bachelor? What do you think so far?
Follow along as I talk about this season of “El Bachelor” by checking out my “The Bachelor” series. If they’re not regular, know it’s because I’ll have read some spoilers already :), and previous experience has taught me that Bachelor spoilers are often more fun than the actual show.